my (disjointed) conviction

Mean? You think I have an attitude?  You think I'm "bougie"? Stuck Up?
Why?
Because I don't want to give you my number?
Because I don't respond to "Baby" or "Sweetheart"?
Because I furrowed my brows when you asked if you could have a bite of my snack?
Seriously sir... You could be my GRANDfather

I'm sorry no--
no... no...
I will not be labled as the bougie, angry, Black woman who doesn't speak, rolls her eyes, or gives attitude because YOU won't let me walk down the street UNinterrupted
So I will beat you at your own game... I will put the most STANK face
this will be my [BLOCK] that will *scream*
"DON'T TALK TO ME"

I must admit that I did stop and think about this whole ordeal

like why do these experiences strip me from my natural tendancy to be just plain 'ole nice

And it's a choice, right?  Like whether or not we will allow these encounters to actually change our SELF

'cause at the end of the day isn't it our flesh?

 that little desire within us to be mean

that little voice inside our heads that gets so annoyed

so annoyed, that we choose to create a force field

an IMPENATRABLE blockade

what does this do?

think over it's pros and cons

does the blockade ever resurface in other areas of our lives?

do we OVERuse the force field

do we use it when we encounter any situation??

anytime someone annoys us, needs us, calls us, asks us for something??

and...

the blockade is featured

it slowly but surely creeps up unknowingly

and

BAM

That person is shut out and repelled.

out...away... gone

oh. shoot

What if Jesus did that to us??

What if our heavenly father shut us up and out when we called on HIM...

not there yet, but I'm strivin to be like him everyday

dyin to my flesh

my A.D.D. is apparent

sometimes blogs start with an anecdote or explanation of a previous thought-  that whole schpiel can get mundane and just plain unoriginal.  it is for that reason that i choose to go against the grain by jumping right in.  since i plan not to align with some of my other fellow bloggers in my intro, i also will just take the "whole enchilada" by neglecting use of capital letters and other grammatical uses. 
shoot... this in itself could be a word.  i could spend the whole post talking about how as christians we've been created to "go against the grain".  things that seem rather normal... socially accepted (and in some cases mandated)- are things that we have been called to stand against.  in this day specifically, we are challenged by the hand of political correctness and sensitivity and "anti-judgement".  yet GOD still expects us to "go against the grain".  STAND OUT. be DIFFERENT. ACT like we KNOW we're CHOSEN.
what does that even mean anyways... all of that-- what does all of that even mean? 

(i hate this new thing that tv preachers ::who i now call inspirational speakers:: do-- they fail to give text!! they speak from what they know about GOD and don't quote the source <the BIBLE>... i won't be a hypocrite-it's coming)

i looked up the etymology of the idiom "go against the grain"-> from the act of cutting wood against the grain (in the direction opposite to the direction in which the fibers in the wood lie) So, although all of the fibers of the woRLD...ooops i mean wood- although all of the fibers of the wood lie in one direction- they were created that way... you know, similar to the way we were born in sin- although they LIE that way... this expression means to CUT the wood AGAINST the GRAIN... and the whole BIG deal about cutting AGAINT the GRAIN is that it's harder.  you have to put so much MORE effort into the task.  i mean, even when i started this blog (despite my declare to "go against the grain") i typed so much slower because i had to concentrate on NOT making capital letters when i started a new sentence, and neglecting commas and periods.  Romans 12:2 NLT:: Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.  Then you will learn how God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.  Keisha's Unstandardized Version verse12a: Don't be a whack copy cat-But let GOD do HIS thing by making you fresh and blending your brain.

So it may be harder... and there may be some jagged pieces of your life... but hey, this is what it means to be CHOSEN and the reward will ALWAYS be better than the jacked-up part. 

hmmm.... look at that-- i did spend the whole post talking about that...

i guess my A.D.D is apparent

well, i'm reminding...CHARGING... CHALLENGING...you to:

"GO AGAINST THE GRAIN"

-take a deep breath-

::Day 2 of my blog::
This morning started off pretty quiet.  I like to arrive to work earlier than everyone else so I can establish/ground my peace in the space.  I'm also more productive when people aren't around.  I get out me to-do list and go to work. 
I've been thinking a lot about God in my life, lately.  His omnipresence (He's everywhere at once), and how obvious He has made this characteristic in my life.  I remember sometimes hating when people would say "If you don't know God to be a _______, live a little longer and you'll see".  It used to remind me of my youth, which for some reason made me feel inferior or ignorant.  Of course, now that I'm older (not old) I see so much more of what they mean.  So often we take the many characteristics of God for granted.  We categorize His abilities based on the needs He presently fulfills.  So, if I'm a student, I think of Him through the lens of my academic life, and how He allows me to get good grades, get my financial needs in order, etc.  Yet, this totally leaves out the bigger picture.  All of Him.  The attempt to conceptualize "all of God" is clearly impossible (because He's just that dynamic) but I find that humbles me and reminds me so much of my holistic dependence on Him.  I zoom out of the original focal point (a slice of my life) and begin to consider so much more.  Not only am I humbled, but I become selfless.  I realize the world is so much bigger than myself, allowing me to break out of the egocentric constraints of humanity. 

And then...

With that freedom

I sit

uninterrupted

with no sound

And in that very moment

I experience God

(pause)

I experience Him in an overwhelming, butterflies, tears welling up, heart-racing, kind of way.

And it is better than anything I've ever felt.  Every moment is sweeter than before.

I am drawn closer to Him, because in that second, in that moment,  it's not about me.

All of my inward and outward focus, All of my inward and outward attention is on Him.

He has the spotlight. 

I just love on Him.

with all of me

and that is called

WORSHIP

Post-Meeting

DreamGirls Soundtrack playing in the background...

Coworker talking to me in Spanglish making jokes that I don't think are as funny as he does...

Loving my outfit choice for the day: favorite chic green sandals, black v-neck, fitted vest, skinny jeans, and jewelry...

This is called... Avoidance at work/Hype that I have a blog

I will render more keishOLOGY-esk stuff tomorrow

today, you get the random thoughts...

if you were looking for genuine nitty-grittty-life changing stuff..........

ask me later

Meeting

I'm so excited about starting this blog.  I used to be skeptical about sharing what I'm thinking, but I think it'll be healthy.  On top of that, I'm confident enough that my posts will be interesting enough for others to relate and even take interest.  Probably cocky, and not the best way to start-  Okay, so I have a meeting in 3 minutes, so in effort to assure I'm on time, I'll stop for now.  I just needed to share my excitement.  Here we go...

KeishOLOGY