So things are really crazy and different three years later.  I'm in a totally different place in my life (changed jobs, cities, and marital status).  There's too much to update at this point, but I imagine there will be a time when I look back and explain some of my life happenings from 2012-2015.

My artistic side dominates most of my mind.  It seems as if the older I get, the more my creative lens takes over as if to reclaim a dwelling place.  Most of my blog entries will be written from that perspective.  I'm not sure that my audience (if I have one) will always be able to understand what I'm saying, but I trust you will glean something.

Here's a little something something that I'd like to share!

Sweet melon across juicy glossed lips.
Strawberries, sweet,
summer tastes like the earth is ripe
ready to get a scoop or sink my teeth into.
hot pink, neon, toes decorated, on display.
framed, peeping, or running free,
buried under, searching for the cool layer of sand.
dancing on the hot top before cooling off in the pool
breeze
cool
bronzed, golden, sunkissed skin, on display
framed, peeping, or running free.
sundress, draped, free flowing
providing a cool layer for her to dance
...or just be
hair. natural. 
running from neck sweat. braided down, tie it up. put- it- on display
framed, peeping, or running free.
standing curls. disobediently righteous, defying gravity.
she's elegant, summer is. 
like a woman whose intensity is so great-
those who endure her, struggle to withstand all of her
but she doesn't hold back. 
Even when they sweat,
she is defined by her own power.
I like to think i can be like summer too...
go ahead ladies, make them SWEAT!

Old Post from 2012: a telescopic deficit...

Have you ever looked through a telescope?  It is amazing to view the stars up close and personal.  Years ago, I remember visiting the Franklin Institute and looking through an extremely high powered microscope, which allowed us to actually view Mars.  That was such an awesome experience!  I was amazed by the amount of detail that the was revealed through such an amazing invention.  I got lost in the sky, as I focused in on the awesome "Red Planet".  Mars, the fourth planet from the sun, has desert-like regions and small pockets of water.  I can't explain just how cool it was to see something so far away from me in such detail.  I was drawn into this focal point, virtually forgetting about everything; including the entire sky, and even the space around me.  I tuned out others in line waiting to see, and completely embraced the wonder before me.

 

::siigh:: 

wow

I definitely cannot explain to you just how fulfilling it was to see Mars up close.  The technological abilities of a telescope are really rewarding.  Despite its savvy nature, lately, I've been thinking about ways we take a telescopic experience to the extreme.  Can you imagine living your life through a telescope?
I know that I can attest to having one eye closed, focusing in on only one aspect of my journey.  I was handicapped by my limited perspective of life, and was ultimately a victim of this limited scope.  This view began to specifically constrict my relationship with God.  My focus and expectation of Him came through the sole lens of one area of my life.  See, when we live our lives through the lens of a telescope, we forget that there is an entire sky.  Our interactions and understanding of God come through one medium, "The Red Planet", and we lack comprehension of the vast nature of our Creator.  When I navigated through life with this telescopic deficit, I only viewed my relationship with God through the lens of need.  I was so dependent on the way He operated in my life as Jehovah Jireh, that I failed to seek Him in other areas of my life.  In addition,  my praise was constricted, and you can forget about worship.  I honed my vision in on the this area so greatly, that it even affected my understanding and appreciation for the entire sky.  I sought to be filled, and I brought a teaspoon to the ocean.  see much value in broadening our view of God beyond just our needs and the ways they are met.  
God is so much more than a bridge over troubled water and a way maker.  We praise Him for His provision, but we only do ourselves a selfish disservice when we forget about the element of worship.  In Christianity, worship is the central act of Christian identity, the purpose of which is to ascribe honor or worth to God.  Praise is clearly taught in church.  When we receive something or God does something for us, we are trained to respond through praise.  That is an example God showing Himself through a verb/ action.  He is doing something to/ for you.  But what about God as a noun?  Have we really taken time to think about Him for who He is, rather than what He does?  Praise considers Mars, worship considers the sky.

 Verse 1:
From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creations revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming

Chorus:
Indescribable, uncontainable, You place the stars in the sky and You know
Them by name, You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable, awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly
Proclaim, You are amazing God

Verse 2:
Who sees lightning bolts and tells them where they should go or
Sees heavenly store houses laden in snow
Who imagined the sun and gave source to it's light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom

(Repeat Chorus)

Chorus 2:
Incomparable, unchangeable, You've seen the depths of my heart and You love
Me the same, You are amazing God
You are amazing God

(Repeat Chorus)
Vamp:
You are amazing God

Writing from 2011: It's been a while...

It’s not about me.

Being selfish is so easy.  We’re bred to “worry about ourselves” and watch our backs.  It’s rare to hear people encouraging others and even giving compliments.  We immediately worry about our own appearances, our own concerns, and only care when things have to do with us.  If it isn’t about me I don’t care.  If it doesn’t affect me, then I don’t care.  If it doesn’t benefit me, then I don’t care.  We are so “me” conscious.  We contextualize our lives based on our own agendas and our own work.  But wait.  What does God think about this?  Now I know this will probably lead to the sucking of the teeth, snapping the neck, and rolling eyes- but really.  If we are in this thing, this journey, this commitment (actually covenant) with God- to be a Christian (because we’re so indebted to Him) then why is this mode of accountability so tough. 

Selfishness: Selfishness denotes an excessive or exclusive concern with oneself, and as such it exceeds mere self interest or self concern. Insofar as a decision maker knowingly burdens or harms others for personal gain, the decision is selfish.

Scriptures:

Humility. Philippians 2:3

Selfishness causes disorder. James 3:14-16

God loves when we give. 2 Corinthians 9:7

We cannot serve God and ourselves at the same time. Luke 16:13

Ø  Uncondition/unlearn

Ø   Embrace selflessness:  If God has our backs why can’t we focus on covering someone else?

Ø  Balance

mmmms. mmhhhmmms. and idks

Lately I've been thinking in pictures.
I think its always been that way.
But lately, its interfered with my ability to communicate.
There's nothing more frustrating then having stuff to say, but not knowing how to get it out.
For so long I've longed to say something to you all, but all I was getting were pictures.
If a picture's worth 1000 words, but I only have time to say 20, which ones do I say?
And what about the fact that I see multiple pictures??
Which words do I chose to express how I feel AND how do I make it make sense to others?

I thought ^ was funny

So many times I wish I had something uber deep to say... something people would want to retweet or quote...

something that would stimulate someone so much that they would be

inspired

comforted

relieved

motivated

The pressure to know what to say, when to say it, and with that perfect tone can be very consuming...
You rack your brain, practice different cliche catch phrases... but you're empty.

just blank :/

For me... its embarrassing and frustrating... at other times, it drives me to apathy. 
At that moment, I give up my voice.  I surrender my right to speak.  I murder the power of my words by aborting my thoughts because they don't "seem" to sound "right"...

I gave up//Forfeited

in a more mature state

you realize that 99.9%+0.1% of life is not about you...

If God has your whole life covered- If He has dominion over your entire life, [which means we have surrendered our lives to Him, and we lack nothing because in Him is everything] why can't we offer ourselves to others freely?  Why are we so afraid that we'll lose if we give parts of ourselves to others?? I realize for some, its not the lack part... its the selfish part.  We're so insecure about what we have to say, that we keep our words, deeds, and talents to ourselves for fear of criticism.  We bury our talents, and unearth them for our personal enjoyment. 

and yet again...

in a more mature state

you realize that 99.9%+0.1% of life is

NOT about you...

mmmmmmmmmm....
mmmmhhhhmmmm....
idk people-

I'm outta here

keish

I'm taking my charger wherever I go

First let me just say "I know, I know, I know" its been a while.  I've been meaning to get connected with blogging this week but time kept escaping me.  This is not my excuse, rather the force that drove me to MAKE time.  Too often we talk about what we DON'T have time for.  It's almost annoying even when the phrases "I don't have time for that" or "I really didn't have time to do that" come out of my mouth.  I just had to prioritize, this as something I NEED to do and "Nike" (just do it)... SO with that-

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.  

Most people who know me, know that I am often guilty of my cell phone dying.  It can be an annoying inconvenience in the middle of a conversation or text.  ::Sorry:: I usually charge my phone once a day which is before I go to bed at night.  Well, I'm a big texter and I love to hook up my phone to the car radio and jam to Pandora on the way to and from work.  The worst part about when my phone dies is that it stays on, but all services shut down.  So my actual phone is ON, but there's not enough battery to function.  Its just apparent that I use it more than I charge it.  I just need to carry my charger with me so that I don't have to rely on the ONE time a day that I charge it. 

As Christians who have been in the game a little while (I hesitate to say "mature" because you can't qualify this journey) we have had a lot of scriptures, sermons, and just well WORDS FROM THE LORD in our hearts.  When someone calls on us for anything, we are immediately able to provide them with Godly comfort, because its just on our lips.  Even when we have little mishaps here or there BAM a word comes to our hearts and we minister to ourselves.  I found that this app (<my attempt to be tech saavy) is being used all the time! I love it!! Throughout the day I'll share a bomb word or write something that just goes!! C'mon, ya'll know what I'm talking about-- When God uses you and allows you to minister to a friend or coworker.  You share something you've learned throughout your journey, pouring yourself into someone else.  Lately this opportunity has been ever present, yet I feel my "battery" drained a more&more and earlier&earlier in the day.  Sometimes, I'm "dead" before I can even make it to my next "charge".  I usually charge up in the mornings, but lately, that charge is barely holding me through the afternoon.  Just like my phone, my battery dies- I'm on, but I'm spiritually ineffective.  There is someone that needs a text MESSAGE or needs to be CONNECTED to God, but I am dead.  This breaks my heart that because I wasn't plugged into the source long enough or often enough, my battery was spent.  God cannot use me...

::Siiigggh:: 

Isn't it our purpose to be vessels for God?  We are literally charged to DECREASE so that God may be able to INCREASE in our lives.  God DESIRES to USE us as fully functioning devices to send messages, answer calls, and search the WWW(whole wide world) so that others might be able to make a clear connection with Him.  Being charged/armed/USABLE is therefore a mandate not a choice.  I've decided that in order to pour out as often as God desires, I MUST make sure to be completely charged at all times.  That means my morning charge MUST be sufficient enough to carry me AND that I take time throughout the day to get REcharged, when I need to.  I want to be used by God and I want to be USABLE when He is desires.

So I've stepped it up... I'm taking my charger wherever I go

no more dead batteries over here...

keish

mmm...mmm good!!

So this was absolutely scruptious!! Whole wheat rotini pasta with crushed tomatoes (NOT TOMATO SAUCE) and of course mushrooms, spinach, garlic powder, onion seasoning and basil.  This was fingerlickin good!! Later that evening, I had plain popcorn sprinkled with salt (It wasn't Orvelle Redenbacher, but it did the late night snack's job).  Water, water, water, all day everyday.  I'm trying my hardest to get it in, but I must admit going to the bathroom every 5 secs is QUITE annoying.  This morning I had a banana and I'll have a pear as my mid morning snack.  Leftovers for lunch :) and carrots with hummus for my mid afternoon snack.  Dinner will be a surprise for you and I-- we shall see :).  I've included this link to an AWESOME movement called Single Saved and Satisfied.  I am a guest blogger today, so please check it out when you have time!!

(click there>)The Fruits and Veggies of Life (<click there)

peace&love

A new start means trying new things...

So, excited is an understatement.  Coming off of such a great weekend (shoutout) has helped give me the perfect boost into this DOPE journey.  I've already tried new things and let go of old weights.  I'm reminded how important it is to physically change things in order to fully receive the newness we claim and deserve.  We have the power to reach that "NEW" level in Christ with work.  The will to change is what creates the newness.  Faith without works is dead (James2:17).  Having FAITH that something new will enter your life, without putting in WORK to change bad habits and mentalities is literally a DEAD feat. 

So I welcome the change.  Its been hard to let things go, specifically habits that we've grown attached to, but the reward is so great, and it just makes the work THAT much more worth it.  This revelation is evidence of the greatness that is happening as a result of this time of consecration.  See, the power isn't in what is subtracted (from my diet) but in fact, the power is in what is added as a result of their marked absence.  I NEED God all the time (obviously)... But without these other mini pleasures, like sinking my teeth into a piece of hot fried chicken (mmmm), I am forced to seek that same :mmmmmmmm: tasty moment by adding to my relationship with Christ.  I find my spiritual fried chicken and mac and cheese, and I am fulfilled more than the physical could even try to. 

Pause for the feeling of spritual fulfillment. 

As a treat, I've included pictures of my first two meals.  Yesterday, I had polenta cakes topped with sauteed spinach&mushrooms in a tomato, basil, and garlic sauce.  It was pretty delicious, I must say!  I was proud that I tried something different.  And eventhough my grocery bill was significantly higher, I chalked it up to the couple of times I would have gone out to eat for lunch or dinner this week.  When my family told me they were coming into town and we would venture to Carolina Kitchen, I was all types of frustrated.  But this is a sacrifice and if it were easy to resist, it wouldn't be a sacrifice.  So I went to Carolina Kitchen, and had theee most AMAZING salmon salad ever!  And no, I would've NEVER had that salmon salad had I not been on this fast, but I WILL be recreating it at some point!! 

Lunch-Polenta Cakes toped with Spinach&Mushrooms in a tomato basil and garlic sauce

Dinner: Salmon Salad&Balsamic VinaigretteDressing

And so... I'm happy :)

I'm about to go snack on my veggie crisps and hummus.

and I'll be just fiinnee

satisfied

Home fries, Polenta Cakes & Nike

my menu
I'm excited
A lot of new stuff
A lot of repitition
I think I can actually do this
I'm starting to realize:

you can do ANYTHING when you take yourself seriously

#1think about what that actually means

#2take the limits off

#3(just)DoIT

Dear Nike,

I finally understand your slogan

your customer,

keish

My first RE-gifted gift

Sooo.  I'm clearly behind in my blogging efforts.  It's so funny how things you're "supposed" to be doing come into your mind so frequently... and of course I just shrugged this off like another responsibility or chore.  How dare I?? I'm really trippen.  Writing is a gift, and I'm really grateful to be able to share my thoughts with people.  I keep having this underlying desire for these words to touch someone, make them smile, or provoke a thought.  Of course that's impossible if I bottle these things up.  Thus... I will

RE-gift

myself the opportunity to share, babble, focus, and witness to the masses. 

"New things are happening in 2012", I tell myself.  "My life projects NEWNESS in this new year", I scream.  People look at me with that same pathetic 2011 daze.  They tell me that nothing changes but the date.  I am unaffected.  I don't doubt my proclamation to view this year as a new opportunity to grow, love, and laugh 'til my stomach hurts.  (While I'm laughing I'll secretly hope that my abs will get a workout and become bold enough to show face this summer. <ha)  As much as that's a joke, I can't help but to think this is yet another year where I claim "This is the last year that weight will be a point of change"... I can say without a doubt that this is really the last year.  I'm sure of that because I've officially converted this idea from weight to health. 

I'm living under my means.  Not financially, but I'm not getting the most out of my life because I'm at the best age to be in the best shape of my life.  But I'm not...In my 25th year, I don't want to be haunted by the errors of my chips and cookies youth.  I'm getting it together... I'm positive... I'm happy... I'm ready. 

Bee Tee Dubb (BTW: By the way) I received confirmation of this when they announced our New Beginnings 21Day Daniel Fast at church.  There's no better of a time to reevaluate my eating habits than a Daniel Fast.  For those unfamiliar with the deets (details) of this, please click here :) 

I start on Sunday, and I'm actually excited.  Well... of course I'm not excited to NOT eat all of the foods I love, but I am excited for what NOT eating these things will do for me.  What will be ADDED as a result of my choice to SUBTRACT-- mmmm deep huh? lol

So I'll be entering a daily account of what's going on with the fast, including recipes, my quiet time revelations, and other stuff.  I'm happy to share this stuff with you, and I hope you all give me feedback!

Here we go!!

Peace... Love... and REgifted gifts

[Keish]

my (disjointed) conviction

Mean? You think I have an attitude?  You think I'm "bougie"? Stuck Up?
Why?
Because I don't want to give you my number?
Because I don't respond to "Baby" or "Sweetheart"?
Because I furrowed my brows when you asked if you could have a bite of my snack?
Seriously sir... You could be my GRANDfather

I'm sorry no--
no... no...
I will not be labled as the bougie, angry, Black woman who doesn't speak, rolls her eyes, or gives attitude because YOU won't let me walk down the street UNinterrupted
So I will beat you at your own game... I will put the most STANK face
this will be my [BLOCK] that will *scream*
"DON'T TALK TO ME"

I must admit that I did stop and think about this whole ordeal

like why do these experiences strip me from my natural tendancy to be just plain 'ole nice

And it's a choice, right?  Like whether or not we will allow these encounters to actually change our SELF

'cause at the end of the day isn't it our flesh?

 that little desire within us to be mean

that little voice inside our heads that gets so annoyed

so annoyed, that we choose to create a force field

an IMPENATRABLE blockade

what does this do?

think over it's pros and cons

does the blockade ever resurface in other areas of our lives?

do we OVERuse the force field

do we use it when we encounter any situation??

anytime someone annoys us, needs us, calls us, asks us for something??

and...

the blockade is featured

it slowly but surely creeps up unknowingly

and

BAM

That person is shut out and repelled.

out...away... gone

oh. shoot

What if Jesus did that to us??

What if our heavenly father shut us up and out when we called on HIM...

not there yet, but I'm strivin to be like him everyday

dyin to my flesh

my A.D.D. is apparent

sometimes blogs start with an anecdote or explanation of a previous thought-  that whole schpiel can get mundane and just plain unoriginal.  it is for that reason that i choose to go against the grain by jumping right in.  since i plan not to align with some of my other fellow bloggers in my intro, i also will just take the "whole enchilada" by neglecting use of capital letters and other grammatical uses. 
shoot... this in itself could be a word.  i could spend the whole post talking about how as christians we've been created to "go against the grain".  things that seem rather normal... socially accepted (and in some cases mandated)- are things that we have been called to stand against.  in this day specifically, we are challenged by the hand of political correctness and sensitivity and "anti-judgement".  yet GOD still expects us to "go against the grain".  STAND OUT. be DIFFERENT. ACT like we KNOW we're CHOSEN.
what does that even mean anyways... all of that-- what does all of that even mean? 

(i hate this new thing that tv preachers ::who i now call inspirational speakers:: do-- they fail to give text!! they speak from what they know about GOD and don't quote the source <the BIBLE>... i won't be a hypocrite-it's coming)

i looked up the etymology of the idiom "go against the grain"-> from the act of cutting wood against the grain (in the direction opposite to the direction in which the fibers in the wood lie) So, although all of the fibers of the woRLD...ooops i mean wood- although all of the fibers of the wood lie in one direction- they were created that way... you know, similar to the way we were born in sin- although they LIE that way... this expression means to CUT the wood AGAINST the GRAIN... and the whole BIG deal about cutting AGAINT the GRAIN is that it's harder.  you have to put so much MORE effort into the task.  i mean, even when i started this blog (despite my declare to "go against the grain") i typed so much slower because i had to concentrate on NOT making capital letters when i started a new sentence, and neglecting commas and periods.  Romans 12:2 NLT:: Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.  Then you will learn how God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.  Keisha's Unstandardized Version verse12a: Don't be a whack copy cat-But let GOD do HIS thing by making you fresh and blending your brain.

So it may be harder... and there may be some jagged pieces of your life... but hey, this is what it means to be CHOSEN and the reward will ALWAYS be better than the jacked-up part. 

hmmm.... look at that-- i did spend the whole post talking about that...

i guess my A.D.D is apparent

well, i'm reminding...CHARGING... CHALLENGING...you to:

"GO AGAINST THE GRAIN"

-take a deep breath-

::Day 2 of my blog::
This morning started off pretty quiet.  I like to arrive to work earlier than everyone else so I can establish/ground my peace in the space.  I'm also more productive when people aren't around.  I get out me to-do list and go to work. 
I've been thinking a lot about God in my life, lately.  His omnipresence (He's everywhere at once), and how obvious He has made this characteristic in my life.  I remember sometimes hating when people would say "If you don't know God to be a _______, live a little longer and you'll see".  It used to remind me of my youth, which for some reason made me feel inferior or ignorant.  Of course, now that I'm older (not old) I see so much more of what they mean.  So often we take the many characteristics of God for granted.  We categorize His abilities based on the needs He presently fulfills.  So, if I'm a student, I think of Him through the lens of my academic life, and how He allows me to get good grades, get my financial needs in order, etc.  Yet, this totally leaves out the bigger picture.  All of Him.  The attempt to conceptualize "all of God" is clearly impossible (because He's just that dynamic) but I find that humbles me and reminds me so much of my holistic dependence on Him.  I zoom out of the original focal point (a slice of my life) and begin to consider so much more.  Not only am I humbled, but I become selfless.  I realize the world is so much bigger than myself, allowing me to break out of the egocentric constraints of humanity. 

And then...

With that freedom

I sit

uninterrupted

with no sound

And in that very moment

I experience God

(pause)

I experience Him in an overwhelming, butterflies, tears welling up, heart-racing, kind of way.

And it is better than anything I've ever felt.  Every moment is sweeter than before.

I am drawn closer to Him, because in that second, in that moment,  it's not about me.

All of my inward and outward focus, All of my inward and outward attention is on Him.

He has the spotlight. 

I just love on Him.

with all of me

and that is called

WORSHIP

Post-Meeting

DreamGirls Soundtrack playing in the background...

Coworker talking to me in Spanglish making jokes that I don't think are as funny as he does...

Loving my outfit choice for the day: favorite chic green sandals, black v-neck, fitted vest, skinny jeans, and jewelry...

This is called... Avoidance at work/Hype that I have a blog

I will render more keishOLOGY-esk stuff tomorrow

today, you get the random thoughts...

if you were looking for genuine nitty-grittty-life changing stuff..........

ask me later

Meeting

I'm so excited about starting this blog.  I used to be skeptical about sharing what I'm thinking, but I think it'll be healthy.  On top of that, I'm confident enough that my posts will be interesting enough for others to relate and even take interest.  Probably cocky, and not the best way to start-  Okay, so I have a meeting in 3 minutes, so in effort to assure I'm on time, I'll stop for now.  I just needed to share my excitement.  Here we go...

KeishOLOGY